45th Wedding Anniversary

Lots of things to be thankful for, but none more important than the time I have been married to Jan. Engaged for two years and married 45 years. My where did that time go. Jan and I have known each other for about 51 years. When she married this coach I don't think she realzed what she was getting herself into. I think we have moved somewhere around 14-15 times and Jan never complained or grumbled. Just pick up the children and moved to wherever. What an adventure!
I took her home for a few hours on this the 25th day of November. I parked outside the garage and told Jan I needed to go put the dogs out before I took her into the house. I did that and went back to fetch her. The dogs started barking when I got her out of the car. I sat her down and told her to get ready because the dogs knew she was here and that they were going to jump in her lap. I went to the back door, opened it....those two dogs never even looked at me, they proceeded to run to the living room and they both just pounced on Jan sitting in a chair. She was laughing and they could not get enough of her. It was fun moment for all of us.

Last Thanksgiving with Family

I hate to think about this being her last Thanksgiving with the family, but reality is present everyday when I see her. December 1 will mean that she has been in this home for one year. The time has flown bye. I'm not sure that the rest of the family wanted her with us at this time due to having special guests of their own, but I wasn't taking any surveys to find out. People have different reactions when they are around someone with Jan's condition and if they have never seen people with this type disease or just dementia, it can be a shock. To limit the weirdness for family I kept her at a distance and just allowed her to enjoy a good meal in a different setting. She ate everything that went toward her mouth. She was in very good spirits. We left early and proceeded back to her home. They were all glad to see her.
I never thought about it until after I left, but this is very likely to be her last Thanksgiving. Yes, it's the last for alot of things I know, but we have always enjoyed the family gathering at this time of the year.
A year ago Jan entered Autumn Leaves weighing 140 lbs, today she weighs a little over 100 lbs. It has been a turbulent year with her condition the last few months heading down fairly rapidly. We have greatly reduced her medications and have stop trying to steer the ship. The disease is winning against our best efforts and against Jan's strength. It's difficult for her to eat and for staff to even feed her. What happens in three months as this progresses? Six months ago, I wasn't sure she would make it six months. I don't think she can make another six months. God has been busy lately. The window has been wide open on days for us to remember this lovely lady. I know it will eventually close completely but God is helping me to perpare. I found a card that read: THE GIFT OF TIME WE CHERISH. THE GIFT OF LIFE GOES FAST. THE GIFT OF LOVE WILL NEVER END. AS LONG AS MEMORIES LAST.

Another Special Day

Autumn Leaves had a Thanksgiving Dinner last night and the place was full to the max. Miss Jan started the day being just fantastic, and seemed ready for a party. We had a great meal with Craig and Carrie plus the cutties grandsons a person could have. It was one of those magical days where the window was about 3/4 open for Jan. She was alert, talking, answering, laughing, very steady on her feet. I took her helmet off as I walked with her most of the time. Everyone including visitors who know Jan were amazed at her. The staff couldn't stay away from her. She ate all of her food and was lifting her head pretty well. I think God must give us these moments as a way for us to remember what she was like before this disease attacked her. Thank you Lord!
Today, I was there for lunch and she was still in good spirits. She was tired but was having another day. We will take the good days and remember them when we have the bad days, and it will help us get through those hard times.
Jan and I are about to celebrate our 45th wedding anniversary. I don't know what I'm going to do, but we will do all we can to make it special.
We have some pictures of yesterday and I will get them up tomorrow maybe.

Kami's Visit

Yesterday I was going to see Jan and was looking forward to feeding her lunch to see if she is eating. When I arrived, Kami was already there. We did some grooming of Jan and visited and then went to feed her lunch. Jan really struggled to eat.
Believe it or not we all laughed and acted like we knew what she was saying and we were right most of the time. If you talk to Jan and listen to her sounds real close she will respond to you some times. But if your not paying close attention you'll miss it. Of course I guess we know each other so well that even a grunt would be understood. She continues to have friends come by to see her and it is much appreciated. I wish we would pray that she would start eating again. When you see the loss of muscle on her frame, we all know that the heart is a muscle too. No change on the neck, it appears stuck. God bless all.

Rally has faded

Not to be unexpected it looks like our rally has faded completely. Boy her chin is locked on her chest and the muscles seems very ridged. It's not clear is she is having any pain with this condition. I know it is very difficult for her to get into a comfortable position when sitting or laying down. Today, her awareness was extremely low and strength was way down. She had some gibberish, but not understandable. I did change her once today as she was wet and the amount of muscle loss is becoming quite obvious from a year ago. She was able to smile and laugh some, but her condition is currently very weakened from even a month ago.

What a Day!

We were trying to use muscle relaxers to help her neck but it was also making her a zombie. She wasn't eating, wasn't talking, smiling, nothing resembled Jan. She looked bad out of her eyes, so I walk in and stopped that mess. It took a few days, but yesterday was worth everything. I hope to get a short video here that was taken by the nurse and you won't believe it. She was ecstatic. Smiling, talking, speaking to everyone, everyone. Sitting and crossing her leg like she is just one comfortable lady. We were laughing and cutting up, not knowing what she was saying, but when she raises those eyebrows and starts to jabber you know she is very likely popping off. We laughed and I left it with them but I couldn't get her out of my mind so I had to go back up there and did and everyone enjoyed the day. She was eating everything and smiling and cutting up.
These moments are a blessing for it is one more reminder and memory for all of us who witness it, what a sweet, lively, and fun loving person Jan's life has been. I thank God for raising the window just a little bit and am comforted that he is in charge of the resurrection.

Picture

We will take Happy

I have been out of town for a few days further delaying blogging.
We will take happy over agitation anytime and we seem to be pretty happy everyday. I would like to tell you a story of what happened with Jan and I as we were walking, but I'm not sure Jan would approve. It was to say the least a few minutes of belly laughing and mumbling back and forth as only two people who have been married for 45 years that know each other so well could enjoy. She understood and so did I. It was a fun day all day for that reason.
Her condition is about the same. Chin is still down on her chest. We are trying some muscle relaxers to see if we can get any improvement. Don't know if this will help. We had a therapist come out and they indicated that there was nothing that they could do and that they were afraid they might hurt her. She is not eating well and that is a big concern for everyone. It's difficult to feed her with her chin in that position. I have tried to get a picture for people to see. It's not very good but it is Jan. Hope you enjoy.