Maybe the window is closed?

God does answer prayers when he chooses to answer them. My prayer has been to ask god to show me when the right time would be to make those hard decisions. It all came down to what is best for Jan. Was it best that she be with me, or was it better for her to be where she could be cared for by professionals. Maybe I was too stubborn to see it, but I thought it was best she be at home with me in her surroundings. Maybe I was stubborn, or maybe I just did not want to face the fact that I was about to be alone and without my wife of 44 years as of November 25th. I can't second guess my decisions, nor can I not be more certain that it is time to get professional help. I decided to include my children in the process because I did not want to do it alone, nor did I think that they needed to be excluded from the process. From the beginning I probably sheltered them from fully understanding everything that has been happening. This past Monday night we ate an early Thanksgiving meal together and they witnessed, in full view, in person, what it has been like these past few months. They are now fully engaged in helping the process and I couldn't be more proud. There is lots of pain in our mission, but it is necessary and it is clear what must be done for Jan. Your prayers are solicited. Thank you.

Remember things change quickly!

My how things can change. We had a few good nights with the sleeping pills working, but it didn't last. It does cause her to become droggy, but does not keep her asleep. The pill is the generic for Ambient(sp). What has changed is with the time change and the progression of the disease she is now suffering from the sundowner problems. About 7:30 pm, she begins to wander throughout the house, sometimes rapidly, sometimes slowly. As the evening progresses she begins to have hallucinations. She will say things to me like, "I know what your doing", along with a look that could kill. I am generally just watching the TV. I offer to help her get dressed for bed, and to help her take evening pills and all of this gets done with quite a bit of teeth gritting, fist pounding and anger expressed. She has faller on at least two occasions at night, just bruises now. She has been up and down almost every night, sometimes getting into bed to stay for no length of time at all and right back up. This starts at bedtime and will continue most of the night. I do have a gate at her door so she does not wander the house. She will come to the gate, look for me and then back to the Bathroom or her bed. I know it sounds crazy, it is crazy. Last night I just ignored her standing at the gate. During all of this she makes no sense at all, totally out of it. Hard to deal with. I have to make some different decisions soon.

Update on sleeping

I thought I would just give you an update on the problems she has been having sleeping. The sleeping pills seem to be doing the job. We have had two good nights of sleep. Also, it does not seem to be bothering her stomach. Praise God for this as it was putting pressure on the entire situation.
I also got a call from a longtime friend who called to ask me a bunch of questions about what is happening with Jan and my role as caretaker. We are such good friends that he was able to speak very frankly about our situation. One of the things he ask me was, what happens to her if something happens to you? Good question. He suggested that I should get her use to a place by allowing her to stay briefly. Say, let her stay 8 hours, giving her a chance to get more comfortable with the surroundings, and thus reducing her fear and anxiety. I thought that was a good idea both for her and for me. Later, I could allow her to spend the night, and so forth, you probably get the idea. This sounds like a practical way to get her more prepared.

Two New situations

I have waited to see if things continued before I posted and they have. Now Jan has started walking throughout the house. Pacing for no reason, but just lapping the inside of the house. The dogs have figured out that she is not going anywhere, so they don't follow her anymore. She doesn't do it all the time, alot in the morning when she first gets up. In conjunction with this situation she now has a sleeping problem. She will go to bed about 9 and then she is up again about 11, and then we try to get her back to sleep and she commences to get up again and again. This past week is has been that we got up at 3:30 a.m. and she walked and we stayed up. I dowsed in my chair and she would walk and crawl back into the bed for a while then she is back up walking. I did get some prescription sleeping pills for her and last night she got up about 11 and she fell. Bruised her hip, but she was completely out of it because of the sleeping pill. I hope that this does not continue and that we can get some sleep. Of course, when the patient is up the nurse has to get up as well. I put a gate up across her door so that she can't get into the house from her bedroom without me knowing it. I am right across the hall from her and I hear her when she starts to get out of bed. I pray that this stops. It's hard.