Roaming the House?

I'm not sure why we had such a sad morning, but we did. After helping get her into her bath, I returned to help her and I found tears. Most of the time I try to just keep going and not get into it, if I can, and at times she will forget why she was sad. It really is a heartbreak time for me to ever see her cry, but if I breakdown the crying party gets alot worse. After we finished the bath, she was still crying so I asked what has got her down. Her answer surprised me more than anything that has happened in a while. She said, after several tries, I don't want you to put me in some kind of home. This is what she said and it shocked me but here is what happened earlier in the morning.
At about 3:00 a.m. I woke up and went to turn off the fan over her bed. I did not notice that she was not in her bed....big mistake on my part. I returned to my room, right next to hers and as I sat down I looked up and there she was returning to her room. I think she had gotten up and was just sitting in her chair, but I'm not sure. I helped her get back into bed and returned to bed. In the early morning I asked her if she remembered being up early this morning. She didn't remember the incident. That bothered me, but I didn't let her know it. Evidently she thought about it and when I found her in the tub she had been thinking about it and got worried that I would put her in some kind of home. I of course assured her that we were a long way from anything like that, but I really couldn't believe she even said what she said....

The Sun is Shinning and today was good!!!!

Today was 80 degrees, sun was shining, we made a run to pick up some meals and Jan has had a terrific day. Our only granddaughter had a birthday yesterday and we got a sweet text from her today. I did three loads of clothes, folded and put away all of them. It was a good day, I'll take it...God bless to all friends who keep up with this blog.

Excellent Helpers

For caregivers the stress can become great. For me the one thing that bothers me the most is meal time. I feel the need to provide good meals with a variety. I have gotten pretty good at Spaghetti and chicken spaghetti or chicken on the grill. My first meat loaf was a bust and so was the roast. I know,,,,,how can you mess up a roast, well I can. Thank goodness for prepared meals that you can buy, they help alot.

There is no doubt that helpers who can stay with Jan and allow me to get away are important. We have been so lucky to have found a lady from our church who has worked out just great. She has a special nature about her that makes her perfect. She is willing to provide the care and security that I need and that Jan needs. Jan is very comfortable being with her for 8 hours at a time. This also provides me the opportunity to get away from the grind. I usually get a paper, coffee, check out the movies, Sams, walk around Best Buy. It is difficult to find things to do for 8 hours and I'll be glad when it gets warmer then I might try taking up golf again.

The Good with the Bad

Each week or two something new seems to appear as another sign that we are losing the battle. One that has occurred most recently has been anger. Due to this disease she will at times display quick and harsh anger. It is obviously not the Jan that I have been married to for 43 years. It is not a pleasant thing to witness or be around.

As bad as all of this has become the blessing become obvious. One of the things that we still have is the ability to laugh. We find fun where we can find it. It may be a commercial or it may be something to do with our dogs, but we can still laugh and it really is a relief to still have this enjoyment. Also, we have been blessed to have some of Gods angels cross our path during this walk. A couple of weeks ago, I was signing Jan up for Social Security and you would not have believed the service that I recieved while getting this done. There were two different ladies that helped me and I cannot tell you how impressed I was with the kindness and quality of service that I received and I'm not the easiest person to please but these two women were just fantastic. We have also been very blessed to have had two ministers from our church over for lunch on two occasions. Their witnessing to both Jan and I has been a blessing to our lives. They have lifted our spirits and reminded us that we are not alone.

Daily Struggles

We have developed a steady routine which helps keep emotions and struggles in better check. Early on Jan would go to bed at night and one the of signs that was obvious was that the struggles were just causing her to become weary. That was early in the struggles when she would still try to perform some things around the house. The only way that I saw to help was to take those things as my duties and lessen the burden on her. Just getting through the day is a struggle for her and the window for that day seems to be closing. The good time is getting shorter and shorter. She has lost the ability or struggles with all of the activities for daily living. Most of the time she is like a small child, but the child can't learn. The most difficult problem she has however is speaking. She has virtually lost the ability to speak. Sometimes words come out and there are times when she can get a short sentence out that is right, but most of the time you have to try to figure out what she is saying. An associated problem is her yes or no is not definite. She may say yes, but mean no.

Another symptom of her disease is repeating the words she hears. You might be in a conversation with someone and she might stand right beside you and repeat some of the words she is hearing and it's the disease talking and I don't think she even knows she is doing it.
Everyday there seems to be more challenges: taking off her jacket, getting into the car, getting out of the car, brushing her teeth. Just think about what you have learned and think about forgetting how to do that. That's her world. Please prayer for her.

How it started

Just getting started on this blogging stuff but I felt like it might be a good way for the friends of ours to keep up with how Jan is doing . If your looking at this blog you know that for several years Jan has been dealing with Alzeheimers. On May 5, 2005 we started seeing a neurologist because Jan was having problems that we hadn't seen before. Problems like writing checks, driving and dressing. Her particular disease is affecting the front temporal area which is the administrative area. Things that she has learned, she is forgetting. Names of people, friends and family she still knows. Some of these problems were present five years ago and of course the condition is progressive and the situation is much more severe now. As with most forms of dementia, diagnosis occurs in the later stages. I diagnose her condition as Picks Disease. The doctors will not try to nail it down, but her symptoms certainly reflect "Picks" disease. At this time Jan seems to be a very healthy. My promise to her was that she would be with me long after she wouldn't know she was with me. I do have to recognize that a time will come when I can't take as good of care for her as alternatives.